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Kelly Boyle

270614 Ballpoint Pen Illustration

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Ballpoint pens on Paper
21 x 29.7 cm

It is important to me to find understanding of all sides. I aim to communicate with as much integrity as possible albeit clumsy at times or not in a linear order, whilst trying to avoid criticism or judgement. This can be easier said than done. Stepping back whilst in heightened states of emotion certainly aids the process.

I have fought passionately against repression caused to others, however I’ve been guiltier of repressing myself by not talking about rational/irrational thoughts, how I’m feeling emotionally, or not knowing how to express my needs.

Unspoken words can linger, clouding judgement and situations.
Fear thoughts of not wanting to bother or hurt people, nothing will change so what’s the point, or avoiding conflict have been blocks depending on over-alert or under-alert states. The more that I tried not hurting people by being silent the more chaos it would cause. 

Being open has cleared ways for situations to grow, relationships to develop, diminished irrationality or created a new journey.

I learnt that people and life aren’t perfect, not everything is black and white, situations and words can easily be mis-interpreted, other people share the same fears, my needs are just aas important as other peoples and we all live in our own reality.

Below are Interpersonal effectiveness techniques used in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, which have been a massive tool for me over the years.

Marshall Rosenbergs Non Violent Communication is also worth looking in to. It can aid in understanding empathy, expressing needs and feelings and seeing a situation as a whole.

This acronym is used to aid one in getting what he or she wants when asking. 
• Describe your situation.
• Express why this is an issue and how you feel about it.
• Assert yourself by asking clearly for what you want.
• Reinforce your position by offering a positive consequence if you were to get what you want.
• Mindful of the situation by focusing on what you want and ignore distractions.
• Appear Confident even if you don’t feel confident.
• Negotiate with a hesitant person and come to a comfortable compromise on your request.
GIVE - giving something

GIVEFAST - This skill set aids one with maintaining his or her relationships, whether they are with friends, co-workers, family, romantic partners, etc. It is to be used in conversations. 

Gentle: Use appropriate language, no verbal or physical attacks, no put downs, avoid sarcasm unless you are sure the person is all right with it, and be courteous and non-judgemental.
Interested: When the person you are speaking to is talking about something, act interested in what they are saying. Maintain eye contact, ask questions, etc. Do not use your cell phone while having a conversation with another person!
Validate: Show that you understand a person’s situation and sympathise with them. Validation can be shown through words, body language and/or facial expressions.
Easy Manner: Be calm and comfortable during conversation, use humour, and smile.
FAST - keeping self-respect
This is a skill to aid one in maintaining his or her self-respect. It is to be used in combination with the other interpersonal effectiveness skills. 
Fair: Be fair to both yourself and the other person.
Apologies (few): Don’t apologise more than once for what you have done ineffectively, or apologise for something which was not ineffective.
Stick to Your Values: Stay true to what you believe in and stand by it. Don’t allow others to get you to do things against your values.
Truthful: Don’t lie. Lying can only pile up and damage relationships and your self-respect.


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