Ballpoint pens on Paper
21 x 29.7 cm
This drawing came at a time that I needed to be reminded to speak my truth.
I fight passionately against repression caused by others, however in the past I’ve been guiltier of repressing myself by not talking about rational/irrational thoughts or how I’m feeling emotionally.
Unspoken words laid heavy in my mind, lingering, loitering and nagging, clouding my judgement. They were held back for multiple reasons e.g. Fear of the outcome, I didn’t want to bother folk or I believed that nothing would change so what’s the point? The point was being open cleared ways for situations to grow, relationships to develop, diminished irrationality or created a new journey. I learnt that people and life aren’t perfect, not everything is black and white, situations and words can easily be mis-interpreted, other people share the same fears, and we all live in our own reality.
Below are Interpersonal effectiveness techniques used in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, which have been a massive tool for me over the years.
DEARMAN - getting something
This acronym is used to aid one in getting what he or she wants when asking.
• Describe your situation.
• Express why this is an issue and how you feel about it.
• Assert yourself by asking clearly for what you want.
• Reinforce your position by offering a positive consequence if you were to get what you want.
• Mindful of the situation by focusing on what you want and ignore distractions.
• Appear Confident even if you don’t feel confident.
• Negotiate with a hesitant person and come to a comfortable compromise on your request.
GIVE - giving something
GIVEFAST - This skill set aids one with maintaining his or her relationships, whether they are with friends, co-workers, family, romantic partners, etc. It is to be used in conversations.
• Gentle: Use appropriate language, no verbal or physical attacks, no put downs, avoid sarcasm unless you are sure the person is all right with it, and be courteous and non-judgmental.
• Interested: When the person you are speaking to is talking about something, act interested in what they are saying. Maintain eye contact, ask questions, etc. Do not use your cell phone while having a conversation with another person!
• Validate: Show that you understand a person’s situation and sympathize with them. Validation can be shown through words, body language and/or facial expressions.
• Easy Manner: Be calm and comfortable during conversation, use humour, and smile.
FAST - keeping self-respect
This is a skill to aid one in maintaining his or her self-respect. It is to be used in combination with the other interpersonal effectiveness skills.
• Fair: Be fair to both yourself and the other person.
• Apologies (few): Don’t apologize more than once for what you have done ineffectively, or apologize for something which was not ineffective.
• Stick to Your Values: Stay true to what you believe in and stand by it. Don’t allow others to get you to do things against your values.
• Truthful: Don’t lie. Lying can only pile up and damage relationships and your self-respect.